How is it that when you end a chapter in life and expects the new one to be a smooth ride it doesn't happen? It seems like nothing will ever go your way but be in your way and when you think you finally painstakingly crossed one hurdle, another one is right ahead. I'm blaming this on karma because that is the only reason I can think of right now. What comes around goes around. This has to be the time when your decisions at one point in time come back and haunt you. I used to believe what I chose to do was correct because it made me happy but like anything else in this world, nothing lasts. Now is the time when those happy moments weigh nothing more than just time passed and sadly it's payback time. It's 2014, time is passing by too quickly.

Why did you let me go?

"Maybe because I,
I don't really believe it's gonna work.
And then I make sure that it doesn't."

- Oliver, Beginners

Champion

I win too easily
and sometimes I forget
how losing feels like

maybe next time

Gone out

Ran out

I would have

Right things happening at the wrong time

and they never come again

Can dream catchers go beyond catching bad dreams

and hold on to times like this

Maybe next time

Maybe we would meet

Let it stay

So close now
Just let it stay like what it is
Can time standstill can we have this moment
I am almost there
Almost convincing myself it's pretty green
So please don't fall again
Don't stop now and let go
Let it stay let it be
1
2
3
Stop

my 2013

I'm not quite sure if having this space here is still a good idea because I promised myself that I will learn to be happier and more optimistic. I guess I still need it when I stop awhile and think. Just a simple space for some words, no photos and only thoughts. My thoughts when I'm still thinking

my 2013?

I guess it was similar to my 2012 and just slightly different from my 2011 but a drastic one from 2010? I grew more mature, I think/worry/observe more and became more reserved. It's not that I was super outgoing when I was in secondary school, I wasn't one to begin with. Moving on to senior high made me realize the uglier side of people/things although some were perhaps product of overthinking. I was guessing it could be because of tumblr but it was still most probably my brain. Oh and maybe stress? I promised myself I would change for the better and maybe that was my definition of better. Somebody read this space and told me I should was going slightly extreme and I felt honestly offended. It's a part of my growing-up experience and I'm not someone who romanticize sadness so. Maybe that's why changing the url of this space was a good idea. A great one indeed. Anyhow I think I'm getting off the topic.

Summing up my 2013:
Overthinking
Ugly people
Bad experience
High Hopes
Empty promises
Fake
Anticipating nothing
Expectations
Disappointments
Family
Stress

2013 hasn't been extremely kind. There were ups and downs, hurdles and smooth paths, tears and smiles, ironic moments and nights of staring at the moon etc. Somethings worth remembering but some were meant to be forgotten and I'm still trying to. I'm moving on and saying goodbye to some. There were happy times with the family and friends, some moments when I hated everything around me and feeling suffocated in that space. Now that I'm back in where I think I'm meant to be, I should be free.

This does not include thinking about university which I have been brushing off whenever people want to discuss about it because I still haven't gotten over the A levels trauma and I guess it's something that will haunt me until March. Till then I'll start to think what I will do and what I can do.

Mixed thoughts. Bits and pieces of everything everywhere. What am I left with?
Shopping and holiday is only a temporarily getaway. Go away.