224/365

is it okay if I break down now because I don't think I can hold it in any longer. is it okay for this to stop now because I don't know if I can do this anymore. but no I can't, I can't cry because everyone is crying now and I can only remain on the verge of tears. I shan't add on to the burden. I can't break down now because I need to comfort others, I need to give hugs and joke around to make things less serious. I really would love to cry and scream and tell everyone no please stop this hurts. I don't know what I can do to stop this but tell me and I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes to solve this because I want this to end. The problem is no one understands, we can't knock sense into her and make her think. She's shutting us out, she doesn't learn, she doesn't know what's wrong. I feel upset I don't want this to happen I don't even recognize her now. Can time rewind back to the days when everything was okay and we were happy and we laughed and ate and joked around happily. Now it's only a one man show. And I'm tired. I can't stay a clown forever because I want to break down now and let everything out. Will you listen? Will that make you think? Will you change? Please. All I want is a family hug now and let this end.

And one big brown bear hug especially for my dad.