I'm sorry I can't be as good as you. I know I'm that brainless freak who's always relying on you and not working my way out but really, I tried. I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to, I wouldn't dare to anyway. Tbh my heart sinks a little everytime I know I need your help because I'm afraid. I feel so worthless. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong and apparently everything is. But you won't know. You wouldn't know how it feels like to be me. Well, you never have to try. It's natural for you I guess: to have everything at your fingertips, to be smart and capable of so many things I can never achieve. You never have to try to be good enough. You're always good enough. Topping classes (and even your level) and getting scholarships seemed so easy. But I just couldn't get all that. These 2 years I've been trying to change, I tried shutting myself out and focusing on what's important but now I'm losing grip. It's taking a toll on me and I'm tired. It's just not natural to get all that from me. I don't know why. I can't give up now anyway because I have responsibilities and I can't back out. I wonder how it feels like to be you. I want to be like you. I want to be capable and I want people to look up to me. To envy me. Is it tiring too? Is it difficult because being on top of the world leaves you with no place to fall? I want to try that. I'm only struggling here, trying my best and still only reaching the checkpoint that is nowhere near the peak.
When will I ever reach the peak?