240/365

The past 3 days were well spent in the SMU SOE gsr (group study room), thankful for a sister who's in university and so I can have a big empty room to myself, aware from distractions so it's just me and my notes. I really felt like a university student these few days, going into the campus that is so much better than my own school and just acting like you know your way. It was fun and I really loved the room and I regretted not going there earlier because it's so much better than studying in nlb (where almost everyone said it was conducive but not for me because ugh people) and maybe I just need some space, privacy and alone. I need to be alone. Being alone calms me surprisingly. The me two years ago would be so afraid to be alone, always needing some friends around so I wouldn't look so out of place but now it's just: I wouldn't mind being alone at all. Insecurities make people think they can't do things alone. Eating alone, studying alone, shopping alone, what's so weird about it? Everyone came to this world alone (ok other than twins or triplets or quadruplets but they still come out one by one) so what's the big deal? Solitude feels good. We need friends, yes, but not all the time. Not everyone is meant to stay, not everyone can be there 24/7 and not everyone is willing to help. There are always some things that no one can help you but yourself. So spending time alone, just me, myself and I is just as productive and effective. Ok back to the topic. Fell in love with the gsr (such a great place) really, just waking up at 7 in the morning and head to dhoby ghaut to get Starbucks (because shops aren't opened yet) and just walk to the building. Tap your pass (ok I took my sister's pass), take the lift, walk/wander and in you go. Lovely. Sweet. Silent. That feeling I get when I enter the room is magical. Big windows with some museum outside (have no idea what museum) and just you and your beautiful scenery. It's like being in another world. A world that I can control, where I have freedom and yet I'm protected. Then you just have to sit down, get comfortable and study. And occasionally use your phone to Instagram and check twitter because once you let social media enter your life, it's not that easy to leave it. Then some reflection time as your study break and think. Think about people, think about things, things that make you happy and things that disappoint you. Think of what you feel and probably begin to feel sorry for yourself. For always being tired and making yourself do so many things that you now regret. Then wake up from those deep thoughts and realise you haven't been reading much from your notes. Start to read again, wait, read, wait till my sister comes back from her meeting and study a bit more together. Go for toilet breaks. Read again. Okay 7pm and time to go for dinner and then home. And then now here I am, just thinking about school reopening on Monday and I'm honestly so not ready for it. I hate the thought of it. Yucks. Not so much about the July CTs which I've already half given up so yeap. Nothing much. Just tired. Really tired. 4 weeks just like that. Like nothing. Empty. I have no idea. So many things to think about but not a single one is worth the time. It's just me. Problems. Me. Sounds the same. Ok need to stop this rambling. Bye.

Some happy photos to sum up my 3 days.. Here goes