Tuesday, August 20, 2013

79

It's a crazy period. Everyone's going crazy. I'm not acting normally either and I can tell it. Other than the part where I still stone halfway while doing work and taking unnecessary afternoon naps. But the thing is, everyone is under stress. And we are changing. We're all turning into people we wouldn't want to become.  Everyone starts to think, or over-think, so much that it hurts. It hurts themselves, it hurts others and it's a lose-lose situation. Nobody is really happy now. There's just so much to worry about.

As for me, I'm changing too. And I can feel the change. And I hate it. I'm beginning to think/ feel so many things that I thought I wouldn't in the past. I feel for myself now. And the more I do, the more I feel scared. I feel lost. Every day. Every night when I'm supposed to pack. What am I supposed to bring for school? What should I be doing? Essay or sums? Which subject? But I haven't revised. Then what should I do? So many questions every night and it's wearing me out. I'm still uncertain about my path, I don't know if it's the right way and where it would bring me. And pressure builds up as I see everyone else getting themselves sorted out, they know, they know what they're doing. But I don't. I don't know how long I can take it and every second I think about giving up. They said it'll be fine right? They did it and they survived. So maybe I could too. What if? What if there are so many what ifs that I can't even be sure if I'll make it?