* Wishing all a very Merry Christmas !! *

THIS.

my fear.

[October]

The year is coming to an end soon...I'm quite surprised I managed to pull through Common Tests and Promos (although with horrible grades) and now I'm just sitting down, thinking of how I'm going to deal with the remaining days before A levels. To be honest, I'm really disappointed with my promos' grades. I knew something was wrong. Although my grades during the common tests weren't the best, but at least it made me feel like my hard work did pay off, at least a little. But now? I've been calculating and recalculating my scores to make sure I don't make any mathematical errors and to my disappointment, my math didn't fail me this time round. I know I could have done so so so much better than this. I know. How can it be that people are improving and I'm just getting worse?? How on earth did I identify wrongly for a simple data response question?? I can't say I deserve to get much higher than what I've gotten, but I can say that I can really perform much better than this. I just want to improve from last year, is it really that difficult?

I've been through worse but I never learn. I knew what has to be done but I did nothing. At the end of every year, I regret. And as the next year begin, and soon end, I'm going to regret all over again.

I guess the previous years made me more reserved. The fear of failing all over again drove me to work harder this year (at least the first half of the year) and I have to admit I missed out on lots of fun. I appeared more individualistic (like what some people used to describe me) and despite being slightly affected, I just couldn't be bothered. There were much more important things on my mind.
I have also spent more time thinking. Thinking about everything. About people, about what others think of me, about how I'm doing in class, about everything that mattered. Or not. Oh yeah, I spent more time crying at night too. I became more emotional I guess.

This is just a random train of thoughts that I wish to take down. Perhaps something worth remembering. That I've once felt so weak. So small.

Mommy and my sis just came back from their Taiwan trip yesterday and they bought me many phone covers (which I'm using right now)!! They bought quite a lot of stuff and went to many places, I was so jealous when I looked through their photos! And my sis is leaving Sg again for HongKong tomorrow with daddy... I have no idea when she's coming back (& when we can watch the next episode of Tiger Cubs together...) because she's now planning for her third trip again!! I'll definitely miss her so much *_* Getting a little upset because I kept thinking about what I'm doing here (if I'm even doing anything at all) when my family members are travelling around & enjoying themselves...and I have school on Monday. The time they spent here in Sg recently is so short I feel like the family isn't quite complete most of the time & I hate this feeling. I wish I could go on a holiday as well. I really wouldn't mind taking a break from all these. So sick and tired of my life here.

Common Tests ended yesterday so I took some time to retrieve the photos of my June Phuket trip from my camera and decided to blog about it! Won't be typing in details though because I'm not good with words but yeap, some photos to feast the eyes!

This is how the resort we stayed in looks like :)

Dinner on the first night!

Clams

Tiger Prawns

I love oysters!!

We went to the streets with all the pubs and stuff to take a look.... ladyboys on the street for phototaking

Breakfast the next day by the sea side!

There were lots of activities along the beach! Mommy was so brave cos she played this!!

My mommy ^^^

Visited the supermarket in the mall near our resort...

And then went to watch the ladyboy show Aphrodite at night!

Visited the Phuket zoo the next day and had an elephant ride too!

Elephant show in the Phuket Zoo

Elephant on the right sitting down!! So cute! :D

Lots of crocs...... :3

Crocodile show

Sleepy tiger is sleepy

Elephant ride!

These are definitely NOT all of the activities we had in Phuket but I'm too lazy to post everything + I'm heading down to the gym now (= no time) so yep! Phuket is definitely worth a visit! okok got to go now, desperate need to keep fit cos' I have been sitting too much these days.. my big butt is big! Bye! :D

(that's me riding on the ele's neck!)

Finally visited my blog after quite some time & I realised the last time I updated was before June Holidays x_x Feeling super guilty for almost abandoning this site sigh... shall do a short post on my june hols so far to perk this place up a little!

My june holidays= 4 days in Phuket + 1 day shopping with momsy + rest of the days at home studying

I'm officially living the life of a mugger... feel like puking already; my brain is fried )-:

Have been updating on instagram A LOT because it's just so efficient, hence the above photos are from my instagram LOL. 

My phuket trip was great, I'm missing the beach right now (all the fine sand) and I would give anything to go back there again!! There's really nothing much to shop there so I just spent my days roaming around the few places (a mall, the beach, a few streets).. Oh yeah I went to watch a few shows and visited the Phuket Zoo (lol).. Overall it's not a bad trip really!! Will upload more photos when I bother to clear up the memory space in my camera!!

The 1 pathetic day of shopping with momsy was awesome!! Bought so many tops & bottoms & accessories I love them so much (I can't wait for common tests to be over so I can parade around in 'em)!! It was a tiring day of shopping but really loving it! (by the time I managed to find time to shop, GSS was about to end -_-)

Currently I'm cooped up in my room again, looking through the case studies... boring stuff. Okay will be back sooooooon!! :)

p.s. there are so many awesome dramas showing in hongkong right now I want to watch them so badly!!!!! 

This is where I belong

These few days have been torturous, no joke. I'm constantly angst, especially when I get home and sort out my thoughts. Stupid project. I hate doing projects because they complicate my life. I don't particularly detest group work provided everyone is efficiently/constantly contributing. I really don't know if there's a problem with me or are people just that insensible. ughhhhh.

ONE MORE MONTH TILL JUNE HOLIDAYS! I don't know why I'm feeling excited already, probably can't wait take a break from the tiring school days :x Currently working on my PI before the final submission on wednesday... Hope it's good enough :-/ Didn't spend this long weekend productively, I only managed to clear a little work off my to-do-list, I guess I should go read up a little on geog/physics (my weaker subjects). K bye!

This pretty much summed up what I want right now...
Chanced upon this on tumblr & found it extremely relevant.

School life has been pretty much the same these past 2 weeks. Still busy with homework but not as hardcore and it makes me guilty. Note-to-self: Stop slacking & put in some effort to get things done. I'm currently working on my second draft for PI which explains why I have time to update my blog. I'm so used to not using my laptop now that I can assess all the networking sites with my iTouch & smartphone. I guess I'll be dedicating my weekends to editing my PI and go through some readings which I conveniently kept into my subject files once I get them. Having absolutely no life since the beginning of the year... I received comments (from friends & even my family) about how I've changed and became (quite) different from the person I used to be last year. I have to admit I'm putting in some effort to make the changes. No harm being serious in schoolwork I guess. It'll probably benefit me in the long run. Sometimes these changes makes me upset because I remember how carefree I used to be and I really miss all those fun times. I guess it's true that things change and people change. Inevitable. I'm just afraid I'll forget the person I used to be.

Society killed the teenager.

My birthday wasn't so bad after-all.
The interview ended pretty well with only one question directed to me which I gave a really short & unintelligent answer. That hour was kind of boring and I couldn't stop looking at the clock. At least I'm glad it's over. I had to give PE a miss because of the interview so I sat at a side with the rest (weilee, rachel1 and joyce) and we started playing tic-tac-toe on the floor with a chalk!
Some pictures (finally) to feast the eyes.....

Weilee wrote this haha and she figured that ruiqi will be able to see this (since she's having her PE lesson after ours) so she wrote 'hi ruiqi' HAHAHA


Rachel1 and I playing tic-tac-toe... compare the skin tone :/ sigh

I didn't really lose okay. I even won one game.


Joined the class for PW and the rest of the day after the interview. Had a great time reading The Hunger Games during PW tutorial :)
Lunch was great because my beloved classmates showered me with birthday notes which I finished reading by the end of the 1 hour free period. Almost all of them drew my favourite rilakkuma! :')


Even the guys TRIED drawing rilakkuma haha!

Present & card from my woman <3 the card made me tear ...

+++ REMEMBER THIS FROM MY IKEA TRIP????? The stupid broccoli which I begged/pleaded for my dad to get it for me?? which made us quarrel?? the broccoli which I loved so so so much??

IT'S SITTING ON MY BED RIGHT NOW!!! Thank you so much 5C12!! <3
credits to ryan who bought it and paid an extra 50cents to get the plastic bag. good desk mate.

This is Rachel attempting to send me a creative HAPPY BIRTHDAY msg on dhsmail.... during pw lecture... when she's sitting right next to me. I'm touched, Rachel (in case you're reading this ^^)

Was reading The Hunger Games on the train ride home... aww <3