I don't think I'll ever be ready for what's lying ahead.
Settling down and thinking about it really scares me. It is scary. It seems like it was just yesterday when you were that young and innnocent kid entering a new school, a new environment and meeting new people and the next thing you realised you are now a GCE A Level graduate. And then it is time to search for your route to continue this never-ending pursuit of achievements. It is tiring, isn't it?
I was just drafting this email to get a part-time job and it's already so tough. I have considered the fact that I may not get the job and there's really no harm trying but I cannot stop being so conscious of every single word I typed because I have to admit, I am afraid of failure. The environment I grew up in was a greenhouse. Protected, carefully managed and shield from all the storms present in the outside world. Yes I am thankful for what I have, but it is also the same thing that is holding me back. I am afraid of failure and I don't know how to handle them. I am always exploring, but only within the boundaries of my comfort zone. The things I can reach out to, they are always safe. I have never imagined myself stepping out and reaching far because I have always been contented with what I have. I want to accomplish big things but I am not confident enough to say "Yes I can" because I know I can't. I can climb the first few steps of the ladder because I know there'll always be somebody down there waiting to catch me. But the higher I climb, the more I doubt.
This world is a frightening one. I am entering the next big phase in life and every step I take is a risk. But what do I have to lose?