一切有盡頭

有時候　有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開　都有時候
沒有甚麼會永垂不朽

Faraway

1604 miles away
I'm so faraway physically
Was that all a dream that had turned into a nightmare
Perhaps something that will haunt me forever
Every night I close my eyes you appear
and then again when I wake
Even if the sound of your name could silence my demons
I have to let it go
It's like you're the ocean but I'm afraid to swim
Or you're the air but I'm too tired to breathe
Let it go I'm too faraway
1604 miles away
Let it go

花無情

千 載 時 光 想 留 不 能 留 

萬 分 思 念 想 帶 帶 不 走 

縈 縈 往 事 驀 然 回 首 總 有 一 天 會 看 透 

聚 散 有 時 候

Prom

Prom No

I still can't get over the idea about how prom is all about people showing off and balancing themselves on impossibly high heels - that one night of vanity when nobody can save nuts because you've every right to do so. It's the prom. Ok not everyone who goes there does that but you get me. I just feel so.... yucky. Ok I wonder how it'll go. Probably I'll have a good time laughing/making fun of people.

And tonight I'm questioning the perspectives of society. Or the one I'm in right now. I mean.... Really??? Is the definition of beauty really warped? Has the media achieved it's goals?? Or did the endless charity shows on tv worked?? I should feel bad for being mean but this period of self doubt is back because I don't know. Then what is everyone else lacking?? It's no longer an easy thing to accept because now I'm doubtful. I don't know. Maybe it's time for me to go. I think so. Deep breaths c'mon. Deep breaths.

Wow

Post As has been traumatising. First two days didn't go that well: my kanken broke, couldn't get my app, couldn't buy my superga.. What's next. 

Feeling slightly uneasy now, other than muscles aching all over from all the shopping with Clara yesterday and today with mommy. It's tiring but I like it. For a moment I didn't know what I would choose: studying or shopping. Both are tiring, one mentally another physically. I guess that periodic homesickness is back to haunt me. Can't wait to leave suddenly, like I don't want to be approached or anything. I want to be disconnected with the world and live in my little box. Maybe it's because of the things happening these few days. I don't know. I thought it wouldn't bug me but... afterall, anything you cannot control makes you nervous because you wish you could. I wish I could help but it's between them. I can't because I'm helpless too. Maybe going back would work? Maybe if time stopped or maybe if I bothered to care more maybe it'll be different now?

I don't know.

What if it happens and I don't ever trust love anymore?

this time tomorrow

Thank goodness blogger's post page is finally fixed
This time tomorrow: good riddance.
I'll scream and jump around like a mad cow tomorrow and I don't care if people laugh because I DON'T CARE. Whoop. To be honest, I'm really not prepared at all for tomorrow and I'm only beginning to read the essays now hoping that something would diffuse into my small pea brain. I mean, honestly, who cares how the urban area has changed over time. I don't. I just care whether I have a space to live and car to travel. I do so that's good enough. Ok that sounds selfish but really? Maybe housing, traffic and socio-economic problems are more useful but urban is really not my thing. I honestly miss physical geog. I would rather do another physical geog paper. Anything but human geog please. I'm not good with fluffing/paraphrasing/rememberingmodels. I mean unless the models are cara delevinge or mirander kerr then that's a different story all together. Okay crap aside. 9 days to Hong Kong. 3 months bound. Time to breathe in some authentic hong kong air (ignore pollution) and cantonese. People here are putting me off. Oh yeah and stop acting like y'all know my place.

Can't

Cannot concentrate at all

Cannot remember at all

Too much coming up and I'm so ready to let everything go

I can't settle down anymore

In this living room with stacks of notes piled in front of me

I hate this view

That television is supposed to on

The room is supposed to be blasted with music that annoys everyone but me

The time is to be spent doing nothing and just breathing knowing that you're still alive

what's better than to know you're still alive

I've lost so much I've got nothing to lose

Nothing can break me nothing can stop me nothing can dictate how I live

2 more days 2 more days

I'll scream and shout and jump around because I don't care anymore

Pen down

I guess it's increasingly difficult for me to pen down what I really feel. Like my thoughts and all. Because everything is so haphazard and most of the time I don't even know how to put them in words (should have bucked up on my English sigh). But maybe it has got nothing to do with the language because I can speak fluently (I think) and I can respond coherently. The thing is, when it comes to noting down what I really feel and think, it's always difficult and I'll end up 1) typing one whole chunk of words and deleting it 2) typing one whole chunk of incoherent words that don't really make sense 3) typing super short sentences that made me look like I'm trying (hard) to write a poem when I'm really not. Why am I so problematic?? I think I still type best when I'm rambling about random shitz that don't affect my life (like what I do on dayre so maybe it's better to read there) though. Ah. 

Really Reality?

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Had such a great dream last night, which unfortunately forced me to wake up on my own this morning because it struck me that dreams are always opposites of reality. I didn't want to continue the dream, it was too good to be true, so I stopped dreaming. I woke up. It hurts to leave something so beautiful and never to be able to return but that's the best for me. Perhaps waking up from a dream like this would increase the chances of it being real? Fat hope.

Days left

6

s i x

六

I started counting down from 3 digits to 2 digits and now 1 digit that's less a week. Deep down inside, I hope it doesn't end. Because it wouldn't only mark the end of the papers, it marks the end of so many things I treasure too. How will it turn out? Maybe something miraculous will happen, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it'll never ever happen. Maybe if I wish for it hard enough it will. I don't know. Maybe I'll miss this place when I leave. I might be able to, for once, know what I want the most. Who knows?

原來日子消逝　情分不會死

原來又想起你　仍舊那滋味

人就算不一起　還是最喜歡你

連場舊戲從來未忘記

模擬位置留下我和你

I can't

Can't get anything into my head

I need to remember them all over again

I can't

My brain is not helping

I can't

I can't even do what I could in the past

That was the past

Why did things change why did I change

It's caving in

Hollow

emptiness 

There's this gush of sadness that is overwhelming me. I know where to begin but I don't know how to end it. This kind of day calls for a stay in bed and so I'm back here in my little place cuddling away. I don't want any interactions as of now and I'm just tired. Too tired. Today was supposed to be better, but that doesn't seem so true. I didn't want it to turn bitter, so why did you have to? Now I'm all alone here, tasting my solitude. Nobody stays till the end, people come and go as they like. I'm convincing myself I'm used to it and I'll soon forget you.

18

Eighteen more days till I leave this place.

I'm beginning to feel afraid now. What if I thought I would love to be there but turns out I weren't? What if I miss the things and people here, something I wouldn't expect myself to? How, then, can I really be happy? Time is passing by too fast and it's all coming to an end. I don't know if this is the end I have wanted all along but I really would love to know how sweet liberation taste like. I'm nervous for the change. I'll be alone, something I've always enjoyed, but what if too much of it changes me instead?

More than some face

Just why do people think it's okay to leave without a word? Like it's perfectly fine for them to disappear as if there was nothing to begin with. And do they even think about how the person they leave behind will feel? No, I don't think so. I have met too many people like this. And it bugs me that they can't care enough. Or perhaps I look like a figure interesting enough to keep them entertained. And when they realised, hey no, she's worse than boring, they leave. Then please, tell me what's the point? I'm sick of meeting people like this. They ought to look way beyond my surface to understand deeper. But ironically that's what they look for. I guess that's why our Y generation is dying, everybody lives shallow and they have too short an attention span to look deeper into things, or people in this case. I have more to offer. And I'm definitely not what I appear to be. I guess this is what they mean by time will tell. But who would be there long enough (not to mention patiently) to really go beyond that level? I'm still waiting for that one person. I wouldn't mind waiting forever, I'm prepared. 

I'm good enough for something,

I just haven't found it yet.

I tried. Maybe it wasn't at the right time, maybe not the right people, maybe not the right place. whatever it is, I tried. But there's no way you can make a bird swim and a fish fly so let's just leave it as this. What's meant to be will always find its way, right? 21 more days, I'll be gone. I'll take a break, I'll be away, I'll be out of here for good. Nothing to be left behind, severing necessary ties and bye. I don't care anymore that nobody cares because who cares at the end the day? I've got those I need and that's enough. The world isn't something I can contain so why try too hard? I don't care anymore if people ever talk about it because this is me and my life. I'm sorry I live that way. No traces left, nowhere to be found. I need a place where nobody knows me. I'm going home.

But daddy...

"I just want to be happy."

"You'll be happy be soon. Press on, two more weeks to go."

"But daddy, I'm tired of this already. I don't want to play this game anymore daddy. I'm sick of seeing 6 years worth of work being reduced to those alphabets that mean nothing at the end of the day."

"It's the rules, it's the society and to be part of it you can't do anything about it. Accept it. Like what I said, 2 more weeks."

"But daddy, I just don't want to do it anymore. I need to find a new place. What if I can't get into any universities? Where do I go?"

"Everyone reaches the same end point. It's just a matter of which path you take. You can take a longer time, you can take a shorter time, all of us still end up the same."

"Daddy..."

"Now go to sleep. You need some rest."

My late night convos with the dad lately. Every other night I question about the point of all these exams. We take them every year, why can't we accumulate our results and just let it be? Consistent effort is worthier, isn't it? But these are the rules, you don't change rules because rules are rules you're supposed to follow. I hope I reach the end point safe and sound though. Maybe that's the least I could ask for now. I need to find a new place. Soon I'll be gone. For good.

Ten things I learned before I turned twenty

“1. When your friends ask you to hangout, and you don’t feel like it, don’t go. Don’t ever do things halfway or do something that makes you uncomfortable. With everything, give all of yourself, even the pieces you never knew existed. 

2. It is okay to not know. Everyone always despises the phrase, “I don’t know” but no one tells you that it is okay to not know. The becoming is more important than the being, anyways.

3. If someone ever makes you feel less, in any way, you have every right to walk away. You have every right to cut out toxic people in your life. To close the door on people who make you feel bad about who you are or what you stand for. Friends don’t tear down, they build up.

4. Loss is always going to happen. Just like paint will always chip and rain will always fall, loss will always be part of life. No matter how much I don’t like it, or avoid it, it is going to walk my way at several times in my life. Learn to embrace it and learn to get closure. 

5. Give yourself a chance. Stop saying, “I don’t think I can” or “But what if I am not able to?” and give yourself a chance. This may be cliche, but try to believe in yourself. When you get older, your knees won’t work the same and you won’t have the best memory, and you are going to wish you’d given yourself a chance years sooner.

6. Fall in love. Don’t be guarded before you fall in love. You could fall in love three times and still not find the right one, but none of it is going to make “the one” matter less. Don’t fall into that idea that your first love has to be your best love. Fall in love as many times as it naturally happens. 

7. Firsts are going to be messy. First loves, first kisses, first dates, first failed tests, first college class, first time you drive a car, first time you ride a plane - first times were made to be imperfect. Just because it’s messy and all over the place, doesn’t mean it can’t be good or worthwhile.

8. You want another scoop of ice-cream? Go get it. Get three more scoops of ice-cream if that is what you want. “Fat” is not the opposite of beautiful and it is not the opposite of happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that your body type isn’t beautiful. Beauty is a social construct, create your own, become your own.

9. Let yourself be alone. Loneliness is not a bad thing. It is healthy and normal. Everyone needs to spend a good portion of their life alone. We learn who we are when we are alone; life is less crowded and more clear when we are alone. 

10. If you aren’t happy where you are, change it. Quit your job, move, become a vegetarian, get a new hobby, pick up an old hobby, whatever you do - make sure it benefits you. Life is too short to not be alive, to not be passionate, and overflowing. ”

- Amanda Helm

Maybe

Maybe I'm losing myself in the process
I lost my temper again and I was so rude to my dad. He was trying to teach me but I snapped at him for being naggy. I think it's the headache though. That's no excuse but really. I guess I'm just really mentally tired. Like my brain's weighing on my shoulders and I can't even sit up straight now. They said I look too happy and too carefree when this period is supposed to be the toughest of them all. And it is. I just don't show it. Every time mommy questioned why I have so much time on hand to go around the house talking nonsense, my heart died a little. She doesn't know. They don't either. I have got no time left but I just want my time to be worth it. I know I could do much more but I'm sick of it and all I want is to be happy now. Well, at least they said I look like it. I have so much left untouched and I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps by the time I start, it's going to end. I'm just really tired. And it's math tomorrow, the subject I've labelled favourite since primary school. I like doing math and the thrill you get when you tick off one question because you've completed it? Perfect. I have been doing math religiously these few weeks, something I have not been doing since forever (even though it's a subject I enjoy), so I really hope it'll pay off. I mean,  doing 2 papers every day would have killed me in year 5 and I really can't believe I even bothered doing that this period because I didn't even bother revising for math for prelims. Ok yeap so please just let this work. This period needs to end soon. I know worse things are coming up and I'm not quite sure if I'm prepared for it but I'm also looking forward to the end already. 18 more days.

Underperformed

Or have I never performed? I don't know. I was left stranded before I even reached half of it. The more I write, the less I understood myself. The longer I held onto the pen, the more I felt like I'm loosing grip. Yes. That was how it went. And it went terribly. Tragically giving me shivers up till now. I know. No. I don't know. How could this have happened? Why now? Why not earlier? Why me? Why today? All these ran through my head and the more I thought of it, the smaller I felt. I saw people. They were happy. They were happy because they did exactly what they were supposed to do. They have every right to be. What about me? I stood at the corner, I couldn't wait to leave. I needed some alone time to recuperate. I need me, myself and I only. I took my dad's advice and took deep breaths to calm down. But the more I did, the more I begin to choke and then it was tears. Flushing down like a waterfall, the droplets so beautifully and gracefully threaded to slide down my not-so-smooth-anymore face. I feel so weak instantaneously. I'm glad by then I was already alone walking home. Thank goodness no one saw. Have I not improved? Have I worked so hard for the past years just to end up like this? Why me? Why? Why?

What scares me most

right now

I guess... Nothing? And that is actually the only thing that scares me. I've finally reached the day when my app countdown shows the single digit that I've always dreaded (or looked forward) and it makes me excited. It's going to be over before you realised it started, I told myself. That always happen. I'm scared, I get nervous and I screw things up. My vision blurred, my thoughts gone haywire and I just end things the perfect way I didn't want them to be. But this time, this time, it's different. It's supposed to be the biggest of them all. And yet right now, all that's in my mind is: hey what's the worst that can happen? Maybe I'm really saturated (or maybe not). Maybe I'm just sick of this paper-chase that is boring the hell out of me. Education is not the pursuit of recognition that is represented by those alphabets (not even all 26 of them). Perhaps it's a little too late that I've only realised that right now. Education is not a competition. Something that I was cheated into joining and blinded into chasing what people view as the top. Education is about loving, enjoying and appreciating what you love. These few days, I've been doing math. I've always liked doing math. It gives me the self satisfaction that writing essays couldn't. I've been reading. Reading slow and even though the only thing I'm reading now are my notes (ebooks downloaded safely to be read after this hurdle), I'm enjoying it. I wow at every new thing I discover like "wow Egypt is in Africa!" and "wow China's EPZ are amazingly and strategically located along the coast!" (pardon me for not sounding like an intellectual student) I'm amazed by how I amazed myself when I learn things that may not be of significant use for the papers I'm sitting for but I'm actually genuinely interested in. The more I look into the world map (still the Mercator projection sorry), the more I see. I must have been blind for the past 17 years and 10 months. Sorry self. Whatever the case, I have to stop I'm sorry because time is running out and it's already late, I finally understood education. Learn what you love and you'll love what you learn. Simple as that. This wouldn't be of much use for my papers considering I still have tons left untouched at this point when it's starting in a day's time, I'm glad at least I finally see it now. The light at the end of the tunnel isn't the end of education, but the beginning of it. 

25 Things To Do Before You Turn 25

1. Make peace with your parents. Whether you finally recognize that they actually have your best interests in mind or you forgive them for being flawed human beings, you can’t happily enter adulthood with that familial brand of resentment.

2. Kiss someone you think is out of your league; kiss models and med students and entrepreneurs with part-time lives in Dubai and don’t worry about if they’re going to call you afterward.

3. Minimize your passivity.

4. Work a service job to gain some understanding of how tipping works, how to keep your cool around assholes, how a few kind words can change someone’s day.

5. Recognize freedom as a 5:30 a.m. trip to the diner with a bunch of strangers you’ve just met.

6. Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together.

7. If you’re employed in any capacity, open a savings account. You never know when you might be unemployed or in desperate need of getting away for a few days. Even $10 a week is $520 more a year than you would’ve had otherwise.

8. Make a habit of going outside, enjoying the light, relearning your friends, forgetting the internet.

9. Go on a 4-day, brunch-fueled bender.

10. Start a relationship with your crush by telling them that you want them. Directly. Like, look them in the face and say it to them. Say, I want you. I want to be with you.

11. Learn to say ‘no’ — to yourself. Don’t keep wearing high heels if you hate them; don’t keep smoking if you’re disgusted by the way you smell the morning after; stop wasting entire days on your couch if you’re going to complain about missing the sun.

12. Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be.

13. Find a hobby that makes being alone feel lovely and empowering and like something to look forward to.

14. Think you know yourself until you meet someone better than you.

15. Forget who you are, what your priorities are, and how a person should be.

16. Identify your fears and instead of letting them dictate your every move, find and talk to people who have overcome them. Don’t settle for experiencing .000002% of what the world has to offer because you’re afraid of getting on a plane.

17. Make a habit of cleaning up and letting go. Just because it fit at one point doesn’t mean you need to keep it forever — whether ‘it’ is your favorite pair of pants or your ex.

18. Stop hating yourself.

19. Go out and watch that movie, read that book, listen to that band you already lied about watching, reading, listening to.

20. Take advantage of health insurance while you have it.

21. Make a habit of telling people how you feel, whether it means writing a gushing fan-girl email to someone whose work you love or telling your boss why you deserve a raise.

22. Date someone who says, “I love you” first.

23. Leave the country under the premise of “finding yourself.” This will be unsuccessful. Places do not change people. Instead, do a lot of solo drinking, read a lot of books, have sex in dirty hostels, and come home when you start to miss it.

24. Suck it up and buy a Macbook Pro.

25. Quit that job that’s making you miserable, end the relationship that makes you act like a lunatic, lose the friend whose sole purpose in life is making you feel like you’re perpetually on the verge of vomiting. You’re young, you’re resilient, there are other jobs and relationships and friends if you’re patient and open.

”

—	January Nelson

Quitter can't quit

I don't want to do it anymore

I don't even want to count days anymore

I'm scared

I'm sick of this

But I can't quit

I can't quit now

There's no way out

I'm on the verge of self destruction but I don't even know how

I don't want this to mark my efforts all these years

I just want to be happy

Why is it so difficult?????????

I need this to be over

Or else I'll be over

On Call 36 小時 ; The Hippocratic Crush

"当苦难发生的时候，人怎麼老喜欢问为什麽，我想可能是人忘记了，这其实是我们生命中必经的一部份，所以当死亡接近我们的时候，我们会觉得很惊慌无助，我们便会不停地问为什麽。只要我们认真地记住，每个人其实都会死，我们就会懂得珍惜馀下来的日子。"

"每个人对生命都有不同的期望 

有些人是为了自己 

有些人是为了满足别人 　 
但从来没有人能保证 
这些期望何时可以达成 　　 
如果期望真的无法达成 　　 
那是否该坚持下去呢？ 　　 
也许期望会带来痛苦 　　 
但正因为有期望 　　 
就算有多痛苦我们都可以熬过去 　　 
所以即使多么害怕失望，多么怕痛 　　 
也不可以失去期望 　　 
　　

剧作家莎士比亚曾经讲过 　　 
期待是唯一能够医治苦难的药物 　　 
我更加觉得当你悲伤的时候 　　 
期望就好像一首能安抚伤痛的音乐 　　 
能够达成期望当然是一件开心的事 　　 
但有时候我们的期望 　　 
会违背了其他人的愿望 　　 
难免就要做出取舍 　　 
放弃哪一个期望都要付出代价 　　 
但是除了你自己 　　 
没有人会告诉你应该如何抉择 　　 
有些期待可能不关你事 　　 
你会不明白为何有些人愿意牺牲性命 　　 
也要追求一些不会有结果的期望 　　 
但若用心感受，你便会学会 　　 
每个期望或轻或重都是值得尊重的 　　 
可是无论期望带给你安慰，快乐，还是伤心 　　 
能够期望与被期望都是幸福的事 　　 
因为我们还生存着 　　 
就算有多少个期望落空 　　 
我们也可以拥有新的期望 　　 
直到生命的最后一刻"

Changed

Finally. Freed from the eyes. I love solitude. Sweet. I can finally type whatever I want to without minding about what others would think. I can ignore my grammar and spelling mistakes. I can skip all the proof reading just to make sure I typed correctly. I don't even know if the word 'proof reading' exist. Or is it even a word. See? I can do anything I want to. I can scold I can rant I can forgo all the punctuations because I can. I can have weird expressions because I can. Nobody will know. This is a virtual time capsule for me. Hello older me. I did you proud once. I've moved on. Ok I shall stop typing here because it's late and I'm supposedly tired from all the things that it haven't done. Peace out.

With masks down, I walk, talking to the moon, to the neutral impersonal force that does not hear, but merely accepts my being. 

- Sylvia Plath

11

My daddy is an angel

He is the brightest of them all

His wings are the shiniest

His halo leaving everyone in awe 

My daddy is an angel

He gave me all he had

He raises me up through tough times

He never wants me sad

My daddy is an angel

He's a blessing in disguise

I look up to him for everything

He's a creation so divine

My daddy is an angel

He pulls me out of hell

His wings were always at my call

To me he has given so much more

My daddy is an angel

And like any other angels,

he is growing old

His wings are getting worn out and dirty

His halo not so bright anymore

He still offers himself fully

I know he's struggling too

His wings are beginning to weigh him down 

I hate to see it but it's true

My daddy is my angel

I have to try my hardest

For my wings aren't growing yet

I want to be an angel too

Just like my dad

-

Somehow while daddy was helping me with physics, I realised he's growing old. The one who taught me my math and sciences, the one who knows-it-all, he's slowing down too. I watched as he struggled to explain a question to me and it was clear to me that he wasn't sure at all. He took so long to understand the answer sheet and he tried so hard to figure out the solution, he was trying his best. I am growing old and so is my daddy. I hate to see him age. I don't want him to struggle and it's making me feel so bad. If I were smarter and brighter, he wouldn't have to worry at all. If I could do him proud again, if. My heart aches everytime I approach him with school work because we both know he can't help me that much anymore. And it's saddening. My daddy is the greatest man in my life. My daddy is an angel and a gift from heaven. My daddy is my angel.

12

At 236

I started counting down

Because everyone started to count down

To keep track of time

To feel like we have no time

At 139

I was afraid

I panicked and I felt lost

Half of the time was wasted

In things that don't even matter anymore

At 65

I was at ease

Suddenly things felt safe

I felt like I had plenty of time

Little did I realise they were slipping away

At 32

All I cared was yet another small hurdle

Something that probably wouldn't even matter in time to come

I spend time thinking and overthinking

Now that I thinks about it

It was dumb

At 15

I told myself two weeks

To make a difference

I need time now

How much does it cost?

Right now

I don't know

I don't know

The end is coming

I'm afraid it's yet another terrible beginning

I'm not prepared at all

fall; fell; falling; fallen

"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. 

It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther."

- Sylvia Plath

15

I swear I wouldn't have use my blog space to talk about this but I couldn't bear to rant it on twitter (I care for my followers too) so it shall be done here. I don't understand. Just who do people think they are? Coming and going as and when they like, I think it's just plain rude. Nope you shouldn't start a conversation with people and end it abruptly without proper closure. That's something about social media that irks me most. Like do you think you're some big shot? So much that people are begging to talk to you? No that's impossible because I'm sure nobody would like to talk to someone like you. But I did because I am polite and I have manners. I expect people to do the same. If I bother replying you, then what makes it so difficult to reply me? Unless you didn't even have the slightest intention of replying and would really like to leave the conversation hanging there because that would be fun. No that is stupid. Just like you. I think we need to get this straight. I have the choice as to who I want to interact with. And if I decide to be nice and you take advantage of that, well, screw you. I cannot take shit from people like that, seriously. I thought it was simple manners, which somehow people like you lack. I feel sorry for you. But I won't stop being polite because that's what you're supposed to be. At the end of the day, all you did was 1. make me feel stupid for replying you 2. make yourself look dumb 3. make me feel sorry for you. Omg sigh god bless you. 

P.s I'm sorry I sound mean but this is really something that pisses me off everytime. I'm apologizing here for being harsh and blunt with my words but I'm not sorry for being ranting off/ ticked off by this kind of gesture. There I go again, I'm sorry but I'm not sorry.

16

當呼吸是照舊無常
前行仍舊遍地雪霜
當四季尚在場時
能懷抱你是最大理想
現實是日夜只懂念舊
沒有辦法放手
只妄想跟你去避世
風再急可捉緊你手

從頭開始
多多一次靠你我來重演
多多一集上集就如排練
就讓劇情緩緩改變

然而現況 是各自各一邊
但願有天會真的跟你結識暗戀熱戀多一遍
期盼來到這天
遺憾橋段可變
時間場地改變
唯獨人物不變

-

The above can briefly describe my feelings towards graduation. The idea is, if given a second chance, how would I choose to live it? Would I still do what I did and be what I've become? What would I change and how different would I end up? That's the funny thing about life, it's not a game but it fooled you all around, it gives no second chances and there's no replay. What has been done is done, no turning back and no room for regrets. The past 6 years, I've gain a lot and lose a lot. I've grown to be someone I never thought I would be. I grew more mature, independent, brave and real. I can't say it's an achievement but it surely is something I can be proud of. These years haven't been kind, I had my ups and downs and I pulled through. What's the worst that can happen? I think more, sometimes over-thinking, but I'm glad I feel more. I became quieter, I enjoy peace and I appreciate alone time. They make me reflect, something I don't bother when I was younger. I got to know great people, school has either brought us together or apart, but I'm still thankful anyway. I thank more now, I feel blessed more. I complained more now because I've learnt to acknowledge what I feel. I voice out more now because I know sometimes you need to be heard to exist. I observe more now and even though that made me spot more flaws in people, I learnt from them. Throughout the years, I've changed. I cry more now, I laugh less and I talk less. I realised it's all about the inner being. You don't have to be what everyone wants you to be. Nobody expected me to be quiet, they thought I was the usual loud happy 'ah lian' but I showed them I am not. What is more important is that I embrace it, I like to surprise people with that. I've had worse phases, people hurting me and letting me down, people leaving and all but I'm fine with it now (I refuse to admit I'm used to it although to some extent I think I am) and I understand what they meant when they say 'what's meant to be will always find its way'. That's how life is. I think everything is planned, fate sealed and change is possible but the ultimate ending is set. And it'll all be good. Everyone deserves a happy ending. At last, it was not until graduation that I realise I wouldn't want to change any thing that has happened in the past 6 years. They made me who I am today, they made me grow and I'm comfortable with who I am now (ignore those periodical self-doubt phase). I thank everyone who has helped me or made me change and my past 6 years had been a great thrilling journey. I think I don't hate schooling that much afterall.

Now, what's next?

22

快樂嗎?

那時候你所相信的事
沒有被動搖吧?

旅途上你增添了經歷
又有讓稜角消失嗎?

軟弱嗎?
你成熟了，不會失去格調吧?

當初堅持還在嗎?
刀鋒不會磨鈍了吧?

老練嗎?
你情願變得聰明而不衝動嗎?
但變成步步停下三思，會累嗎?

區區幾場成敗裡
應該不致麻木了吧?

快樂嗎?
你忘掉理想，只能忙於生活嗎?

/

我不快樂了

我累了

23

Y'know what? I sound like I'm mean and critical, because I keep it real. I don't lie and I mean what I say. Lying is too tough a job for me, because I can't remember my excuses when they pile up one after another. I also can't act nice when I'm not genuinely meaning it because I feel grossed out by myself and the feeling sucks. So I don't mind being labelled as one who's difficult to get along because I know l am. I just have to find people who can accept me for who I am. And yknow what irks me most? People being fake, people speaking without working their brains and people pretending to be something they're not. Sorry I'm mean. But people like these really irritate the hell out of me. A LOT. Let me put it across like this: acting dumb is not cute/ getting overly enthusiastic or hyped up is unnecessary/ speaking without meaning what they say is fake/ thinking that the world resolves around them is self-entitlement at its worst/ acting all generous when they're more concerned about their self-interest is, again, fake ETC. Let's not act like we're saints, shall we? Everyone is flawed and they hide it. They cover up their flaws and that's cheating. Flaws are what makes you real. Yeah I'm flawed. Probably the most flawed person ever. So most of the time I find myself rolling my eyes and thinking 'hello I can see what you're doing there' and I just can't help but to feel sorry for them. It's like they don't even know. How is that even possible? I laugh a lot in my head. I laugh at people and their stupidity. It's like, I'm not v bright and I can still act properly. So I don't understand why people can't. Everyone is flawed, I know, even the seemingly flawless people. So don't fall for their trap. Most people do though.

Yeah sorry I'm mean like that. I don't compromise to make anyone like me so it's okay if you feel like you should dislike or even hate on me after reading this entry because the thing is

I don't care.

P. s my blog is not for entertainment purposes. If you're bored, go out and get a life. I'm not here to post my thoughts and feelings to interest you. Btw, thank you if you're reading because you actually care. 

Angels

“It happens like this. 

"One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them--even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--the reason for their presence will become clear in due time."

Though here is a word of warning--you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.

-----------------------------------------------

It's so dark right now, I can't see any light around me. 
That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can.” 

- Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

25

Always look back.

It distracts from the now but it's always good to stop when you're tired, turn around and look at how far you've travelled. It hasn't been easy, it was a tough ride, so look back and be reminded of how much you gave up to get here for a reason to not give up now. No way. Giving up now isn't a choice anymore. 

Look back, see how you've grown along the way. How the things have changed you and how these changes shaped the road you're taking today. Every little thing happens in life for a reason. Look back and find out the reason. At the point in time, you wouldn't realise how a seemingly insignificant choice has changed so much of your route. 

Look back for people and things you miss, for all the good and bad times and remind yourself you're human. You're flawed, but so is everyone else. Finding the devil similar to yours is the key thing, finding an angel to lift you up is not. Look back to see what's lying ahead of you. Better days definitely. Stay hopeful, be optimistic and don't forget to always turn around and look back. 

27

如果　当晚没有分神来紧张布置
如果　不必误会再猜疑
如果　将对白说得平和　不加讽刺
如果　真的可有下次

情人们一呼一吸相爱到底　结局或同样
仍想将你我这幕　演得更理想
能修补即管修补　

不要再想　再一刻人便缺氧
熟悉的歌曲　等与你合唱

It's coming to an end soon. It seems like it was just yesterday when it began. I remember vaguely how I felt at that point, thrilled, nervous, hopeful, afraid and excited. Mixed feelings, which all slowly died down as the days passed. I'm thankful for being able to experience this, something I didn't expect at all. I'm satisfied and I know this is the furthest it will go, but it's okay. It's coming to an end. I'm still hoping for a happy ending, but I'll be fine if it isn't. I'll leave soon, so soon that I'll not leave a trace. I will be away, I will get used to it just like how I always do. 

31

Came across this twitter account @Aries_Dreams and found some extremely relatable tweets. I've always believed in horoscopes, I know how some are just applicable to all but some are really true to the specific horoscopes so....
Here are some tweets I favourited:
(so if you would like to get know me better, you should take note)

Apology accepted by #Aries, trust denied.

#Aries has a zero tolerance for bullshit.

#Aries will not hold a grudge, but they will keep it in the back of their head about how crappy a person you are.

#Aries can rarely pretend a passion they don't feel.

#Aries are easy to please, but also easy to irritate.

You're welcome. I get fed up with people easily. The things they do, the things they don't do, the way they act, their intentions etc. I'm judgmental yeah, who isn't? Society taught me well.

That's the problem isn't it? 

You are nice to people and they are nice to you. Then when time is right, they take and leave. You can't blame them. You're the fool for falling for it not once, twice, but thrice. You pulled down those walls because you never learn. You're too nice but too naive. You think people are genuine and you think they have nothing to hide but they only want what they needed and then it was goodbye. 

And then again, you learn to protect yourself once more, but people point fingers at you, they say you're mean. They judge you, they criticize you, they are afraid of you and they leave you. They don't understand and they wouldn't try to.

That's the problem isn't it?

We can't have the best of both worlds.

32

“People give flowers as present because flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in the field, you’ll keep it forever. That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you.”

- Paulo Coelho

35

Thankful for this marking day, I had an awesome day with my ldr girl (hahaha), just chatting, laughing and being ourselves. Nothing can be better honestly, especially during this tough period. It's going to get tougher and I'm ready for this. Today's healing came just in time to remind me I'm still alive and I can do so much more. A little time was spent looking back at the past today, reflecting, which was really important for me to realise change is inevitable, but change for the better. And I'm turning back, I'm going to be myself again, how I used to be in the past and that is for the better. Definitely. I'm also really thankful for my girl (hello Clara if you're reading this) for always being there for me. We don't meet up often, tbh the last time we met was 4 months ago but every time we meet, I gain so much. And I'm sure our friendship will only become stronger. I'm really glad we pulled through the bad times, together or not, but we're blessed with each other's support and love so I'm really thankful. Seriously, who would have known that a cool rule-breaker in year 1 can be such a nice and thoughtful friend to a nerdy girl (me in year 1). Really cannot wait for the next we meet up (stupid As please be over now), great day and to better days ahead :-)

37

What's better than waking up knowing that you're being given a second chance? I have to say, I've lost track of what I wanted. I wanted so much at the beginning and I gave in my best to pursue but time was running out and so was my energy. I was upset about what has changed, a lot of things happened the exact opposite of what I expected them to be. I guess being confident is just not my thing. Nonetheless, I'm glad to find out, as well, that some things will never change. As much as I'm still learning to embrace it, it was a tough job but I've figured out I've adapted to it and I grew up. That's life isn't it, you pick up new things and they inspire you. They either make you, or break you. This second chance, is the last second chance I'll ever get. Too many second chances, too little meaning to it. It's the last time, there isn't much time left and I have a lot to do in this short period. As always, I have to be fine.

42

I don't feel good. My body is aching, there's no way I can sit comfortably in my usual chair at the desk, I can't fall asleep without rounds of tossing and turning and I feel like my back is so weak right now. I have no idea why that is so, I'm afraid of the ache, that I can't get comfortable no matter what and it has been weeks. Perhaps I need to exercise. My legs are constantly feeling numb and I have heavy shoulders dragging me down, I just don't know if I can even physically support myself anymore. I just need my back to be strong enough again, I really want to feel good again and now I'm just on the verge of tears every time I sit down for too long because my back freaking hurts. Oh god.

I think I need to go home.

Right now.

I figured that the longer I stay here, the faster I'll die. It's just 46 more days, they said. Endure and you'll be fine, they said. They said all the things they could say, but what do they know? Have I not tried? Have I not given enough? I don't need easy, I just need possible. But it seems like it's impossible. It's impossible for effort to be equivalent to result. It's not about the process anymore, who cares about that now? Perhaps more about progress, believe me, people love results. Don't trust all the shit they talk about, about how it'll be worth, it'll be hard definitely but I'm not sure if it'll be worth. Don't believe them when they tell you you can do it, because who knows, not everyone can make it till the end. There's only so much I can hold, so much I can bear and I think I'm reaching my threshold soon. I'm going to snap and break and shatter and crash and kill everyone in the process who tells me it'll be possible. Because the fact is, it's freaking impossible.

46

“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”

- Quiet (Susan Cain)

That's the funny thing.

Why do we desire acknowledgements? Sometimes I question myself why do I try so hard to gain recognition from others who probably wouldn't matter at all. I ask myself why, that I criticize people but I cannot do enough reflection myself and so I'm constantly working in this dilemma of wanting to be acknowledged but at the same time refraining from allowing myself to be affected by people around. And it's so difficult to really know what I want. Sometimes I want to share but sometimes I don't. I feel like a victim in this. Do I do things to make myself happy, or for others to be happy? But the thing is, when I do things that made myself happy, I'm upset by the fact that others aren't. And I want them to be. I want us all to be happy, which is quite impossible in some sense I guess. I end up living for others more than I do for myself. And I don't want that. I tell myself that those who matter will come naturally but that doesn't happen all the time. And I've made such a bad record I don't even know how to change it anymore. Because what has been etched into people's mind don't change that easily. So do I move on without minding about what people think? Or do I try even harder to prove myself? I don't quite know but for now I guess I should do what makes me real.

47

A father's love is one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me.

My dad gave me his 200% (much more than that actually but you get what I mean). He loves me. I figured that I was probably a really great person in my past life who did many great deeds and therefore earned myself such a perfect dad this life. I appreciate him but I feel guilty at the same time. He stayed up till 3 am just to make sure I get all the songs he spent a day downloading (200+ songs) and wouldn't go to bed until I did. But what did I do to deserve all these? He gave me his best, but did I give him mine? No. I took it for granted. I didn't even return him 1% of what he has given to me. He could have not done so many things for me. He had a choice. But he did. And I feel so bad about myself now. He is such an awesome dad. I'm such a lousy daughter, always making him worried, troubling him, demanding so many things from him and yet fail to honor so many promises I've made to him. He never gives up on me even if I couldn't keep to my promises. He still love me as much, if not more. I don't know what I can do for him right now, other than putting in effort to revise and do well for As. I tried today, during physics. He spent the entire day yesterday helping me with physics, going through every single question with me. I hope I can get a decent grade this time just for him. For my great dad. Someone I can never live without. Everyday should be a fathers' day because every father is great. My dad is leaving for hk again tomorrow and I'm going to miss him so much it's going to hurt. But I'll listen to all these songs he has helped me download tonight and keep them on replay.

Father, I love you.

that's the most handsome man I've ever seen and he's looking at my physics paper in this photo <3

50

F i f t y

S h a d e s

O f 

N o t h i n g n e s s

I find the spacings surprisingly calming.

50 days left to make a different. You can do something to be somebody or do nothing and be nobody. Math paper today was ______ . I don't know. But the ride to school was hell tiring and nerve wrecking because my stomach decided to work up and churn so badly it hurts. I'm literally filled with shit. I had such a bad stomach ache throughout the train and bus ride, I thought I wouldn't be able to make it for Math alive. But I did anyway. And during the paper, I came up with an analogy. School is a factory. And teachers are the producers in the respective production units. Students are the goods produced. Common tests are periodical quality checks. Goods which are up to standards would be further refined with more valuable inputs. Those which are not, they go through refinement too but back to the basics and through the process once more. Prelims and As are the major checks. It defines whether the goods can be shipped out to be sold at departmental stores. What can the goods do to finally get out of the factory one day? We work hard, we enhance our qualities, we strive to be in the best batch, we try. Isn't it sad? Anyhow, that's my analogy. Math made me think of that. Weird. Oh and I also want to be a good quality good.

Fun fact of the day:

Integrate sec^2 is tan. Not secxtanx.

I can't even find the right words to express myself now

I only know I've got nothing left

I've worked hard

But I'm now back at square one

And I know this cycle will never end

51

Screw(ed) today (or yesterday since I'm referring to Monday but it's already past 12 so). Yeah who wakes up thinking that the paper was a case study paper and feels slightly less nervous because she hasn't been well prepared. And then she finds out subsequently that it was an essay paper. Me. 3 essays. 2 hours 15 minutes. Blank mind. My instant reaction was to break down. But I didn't. I didn't because I couldn't. I couldn't let my family see how much I wanted to give up, how much I wanted to die at that moment and how stupid I felt. I honestly felt like ditching the exams today because all I could think of was, what's the point? Thank goodness it was an afternoon paper so I had some little time left to prepare myself mentally. We went for lunch then before I left to meet ruiqi. Wanted to cry on the way so badly. Dad blurted out a sentence that made me felt like I've been squeezed so hard I'm gasping for air. He told me to just ask to be retained. Honestly, that was probably the last thing you would want to say to someone going through a life crisis. I managed to hold back my tears though. I know I was tearing but I sniffed quietly and thank you the sun for the being so bright I can squint my eyes to contain the  tears. Anyway, lunch was tough. I had to force myself to eat even though I totally lost my appetite. The food was tasteless. I felt like I wasted my money. Then I was glad that I gave it up soon enough and left. Before heading the mrt station, I detoured to the toilet. Yeah I couldn't hold it anymore I broke down. I was embarrassed with my eyes all red and watery and a few aunties were staring at me. I felt slightly better when I let it out. I left, I took the train, I met ruiqi, I went to school, I felt like dying every second, I waited outside the hall, I saw people, I hated the heat, I entered the hall, I sat down and I did the paper. The paper wasn't as tough. But my mind was blocked, it was unclear, I couldn't think of anything to write and my structure was horrendous. I was going to flunk it. Definitely.

I had such a bad day today.

And tomorrow would be the same.

“Will I be something?


Am I something?

And the answer comes:


You already are.


You always were.


And you still have time to be.”

- Anis Mojgani

52

Currently in bed with a splitting headache and prelims officially begin tomorrow (excluding GP which was). Unprepared, insecure, nervous, yeah name it all. I couldn't even complete half of what I was supposed to do. Okay go ahead and laugh at me. I'm a joke. Who slacks off at the end? Me. Fuck this. Anyway, there's nothing I can do at this instant without risking my brain exploding from this pain so I have to sleep. The past few nights of sleeping at 3/4+ am have finally taken a toll on me. And it's bloody 1 am now why on earth am I still blogging I should be sleeping (even though tomorrow's paper is in the afternoon). I'm a loser really. I suck at the whole examination thing. My dad told me to give my best shot and that's what he always said. And he added on by saying I still have the last try and that is the As. And yeah, that made me think. How many second chances are there? And it's precisely because we know there's something to cushion our fall, we lose guard and slack off. And we died. The sad thing is, there aren't really many second chances. Like our lives, there's a limit to everything. How many 'second chances' would I take to be the best that I can be? I have been exploiting  all these 'second chances' that didn't belonged to me in the first place and I'm in shame. I hate myself for that. My second last chance is tomorrow. Another try. There aren't unlimited tries, I have to bear that in mind. Ok time to sleep. I'm really dying from this headache.

53

I swam yesterday

I had to revised till 3 am to make up for it 

I was tired

But I was happy

I can't complete even half of my revision

But I'm happy now because I feel loved

I have my family who'll always ask me to sleep earlier and try not to disturb me

I have a great friend who pushes me forward and chats with me even if she's in the midst of revision as well

I have another great friend who I know will always be there and backing me up even if he doesn't show it

I ate yummy honey-glazed strawberries

I have good music to accompany me through the night

I know life is not defined by an exam no matter how significant it might be

I know no matter how many times I think I'll die, I will make it through anyway

I watch clouds, planes, moon and stars and they calm me

I can be much more if I look further

I can be happy because I want to

Because life has many other great pleasures waiting to be discovered

On a side note,

I have this urge of merging my blog and tumblr together

But that would complicate things

And destroy the beauty of tumblr

So I guess not

underwater

That's where I need to be right now. I wouldn't mind being there forever though. That sounds good too. I went impromptu swimming with my parents on Wednesday (I meant impromptu because we usually plan it days before and we'll set aside time for it but weather likes to screw us up many times so). It was after lunch and my mom said, "let's go swimming, it has been a while" and we all liked the idea. We changed, we prepared the bathrooms so we could quickly wash up when we're home and we went down to the pools. It was lovely. I love how the waters glisten and how appealing it looks under the hot afternoon sun. I didn't jump in though (I would probably hit hard on the pool bottom because it's only 1.2m deep) but I entered rather unglamorously too with water splashing onto the pool side. Who cares. No one else was there except for us. I'm a breaststroker, I learnt breaststroke and only that when I was young from my dad and I can do that quite well. Tbh I think I'm the best at that in the family (I can do 2 laps in 1 minute hah). I sucked at freestyle though. Never managed to finish  even 1 lap without gasping for air and dying. I had a good chance because for once my dad is swimming. I asked him to teach me so I spent the subsequent 2.5 hours practicing freestyle. I love it. So much faster and glamorous. I was addicted. You know that feeling when you did one set of it and you reach the distance you probably had to complete with 2 sets of breaststroking? And how you can feel yourself propelling forwards with the force of water hitting on your abdomen? That feeling that you're finally capable of something and getting somewhere? I needed that. And that moment when you're underwater where nothing else mattered and you can't even hear anything, not even kids screaming by the pool side or your parents calling for you? I love that. That place was freed from all noises, there was just the swishing and swashing of water. I love that. And right now? I need to get underwater. I need some time for myself. I need to feel like I'm capable of something. I need to feel progress. I need to feel in control. That I can stop whenever I want and proceed whenever I can. I need to move around and exercise and feel good about myself again. I need to swim.

54

fuck this shit.

(pardon my crudeness but really)

(post contains excessive profanities but in the same form that starts with a freaking f which is the first word now look up there and be shocked go)

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

why am I so capable in screwing myself up but yet so inadequate in everything else why am I so fucking retarded that I still do what's worst for me when I know the best why do I slow down only when everyone is catching up why do I fucking allow myself to fall why do I not feel insecure why do I have such a fucking pea-sized brain who do I think I am why now why not earlier why is everyone so irritating why do people want to constantly remind you you're fucking shit 

why are people so fucking fake why can't they just scram off why is the world so warped why must I lose out now why me what have I become why am I in this world why am I caught up in this pointless rat race what's the fucking point why can't I shed tears of remorse anymore why can't I feel anymore what's the meaning of sad and what is happy what is my purpose in life who am I supposed to be ughhh

why am I so fucked up

why is life so fucked up

why is my life so fucked up

(Sorry for the rant. I'm not sorry. I could have inserted the f word in every line but I didn't. You should thank me.)

56

I dreamt that you died.

That was a funny thing to dream about or maybe I should call that a nightmare. It was weird. I was sad, I shed tears of saudade but I was happy for you at the same time. At least you were happy before you died and I'm happy as long as you're happy. I guess that's the only thing I could ask for now. Nothing more. Just for everyone to be happy.

And then I woke up still feeling uneasy but I was relieved to find out it wasn't real afterall. And then I realised: things happen naturally and there's really nothing much you can do about it. We just have to go with the flow and make the best out of it. That's the least, or the most, we could do.

59

I'm not telling

I'm not telling

I won't tell you what's wrong

Everything is a mess

I'm a mess

Life is a screwed up song

Don't ask me why

Don't ask my how

I won't bother anymore

How many times have my answers faded amidst all those other noises that were targeted at me all along

How many times have I opened up just to be disappointed once more

How many times have I given in to something I don't believe at all

How many times have I turned a loser just to satisfy your wants

How many times have I been forgotten and left behind and threw away like junk

I tried I gave I held on tight

I lose grip I fall I laughed I died

60

You are a disgrace.

You are a disappointment.

You should be ashamed.

You are hopeless.

You have given up.

What have you become ?

61

Lying on my bed right now

Listening attentively to the rain

They are telling me

They are there for me

"Don't be sad, dear,

Don't you tear.

Nothing lasts forever,

All that is good, all that is bad,

They happen once and then never.

Let us wash away your pain,

Now listen to us,

We're swishing, swushing, swashing,

Freeing you from all that drains.

We're here, remember,

We're here."

I guess I never really learn

I fall too easily

And I can never save myself

I was too blind

And still remains so

Because I chose to believe

That miracles do happen

Once in a while

I'm praying

62

"

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation off your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.

34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have the right of way, take it.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in good luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do, not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

"

a high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via vlha)