I . Need . A . Life . Desperately .

As crazy as this sounds (because by right it's supposed to be the holidays for me), it's true. I need a life desperately. I have been cooped up in the house doing chinese papers, I'm going nuts ~_~ The most ridiculous thing is: the more chinese papers I do, the worse the results get. I just need to get out of the house + my mom's going to shop tmrw & she's not bringing me!! I'm so annoyed by my sis's "she's only allowed to go out once a week" crap -_- I'm really looking forward to the end of O lvl HCL exam, then maybe I'll get some holiday mood because to be honest, it doesn't feel like the holidays to me now.

It's Monday tomorrow.... BUT THERE'S NO SCHOOL :')

I'm not a fan of lip balms/lip glosses but I Love This Maybelline Lip Balm so much *_*

I've been wanting to buy this lip balm (because of it's cover) a few months back but decided not to since I seldom use lip balms ... but today while I was at Watsons I saw it once again and YAY I BOUGHT IT & I LOVE IT AS HELL <3 <3 <3

It smells just like candy floss, I swear I wna take a bite!! ^_^

Mommy bought Silky Girl's Double Intense Gel Eyeliner & since I've never tried any Silky Girl product), I decided to give it a try HAHAH in hope that I'll get bigger eyes....

I look so frightening lmao, got a tiny heart attack when I looked into the mirror :x

Mommy's being so strict now, she only allows me to go out once a week )':

I'm sadgirl95 zzz & she doesn't allow me to swim tmrw in case I catch a cold again before the O lvl HCL paper... sigh I shall just go running tmrw then hmph

Saw this on tumblr & I love it so much *_* I wonder where can I get this omggggg ~~

This explains why I want to keep a pet so much *_* this pup is cute max omgggg

Anyway I'm doing this post because I'm extremely bored right now, after I've done my chinese papers + piano practice, I think I really need to get out of the house soon! Can't wait to meet ruiqi on monday & clara on friday if nothing goes wrong ~_~

I'm currently stoning in my room waiting to go out for dinner. There's really limited number of things you can do at home! I'm done watching the tv, surfing the internet, walking around randomly, annoying my family members...... WHAT ELSE?? ):

Oh yes anyway, I just received an email that I've been selected to be in Photog!! I finally belong to somewhere muhahaha >:) and oh mommy just called to book my manicure appointment & my hair treatment appt!! GOGOGO~

I'm always jealous of my sis cos' she always has nicely shaped fingernails ~_~

(yes that's my sis's hand lol)

My sis got bored & took my OPI nail polish to do her tips -_-

It's not that obvious lah k, she's so lame

& my failed attempt in painting clouds on my fingernails ~_~

now those white patches look so weird hahah but whatever, I can't wait for manicure with mommy after 10th Nov!

-

Today marks the end of my JH life.

To be honest, I can't really recall what happened this year but I can clearly remember things that happened when I was in Y3 ... Is it true that people tend to remember only happy things? Nevermind, no matter what, I really enjoyed these 2 years with 4I & I know I'll miss every single one of them. I can still vividly recall my first day of Y3 life (I missed orientation because of some family matters) and I can only approach Ruiqi because I know no one in the class yet. I have to admit I really didn't know some of them exist when I was still Y2 + I remember I used to think that weilee was unfriendly (that was my impression of her since Y2) which is not true at all -_-

So much for worrying for Y3 life & bam, it's the end of Y4 now-

Gahh, time really flies.

-

So today, we had our last chinese lesson with lls, which I'm sure we will all miss because lls's lessons are really really different. I'll miss those stories she tell + those scary moments when she scolds the class especially ~_~ It was really touching when lls showed us the extremely long letter she wrote, I had to admit I was on the verge of tears-

I think this is gna be our last class photo (in the 4I class itself) thank you weilee for the photo! (':

I've learnt so much throughout these 2 years, no matter from teachers or my peers, & I think I've changed quite a bit too! I hope the change in me is good though :x

Looking through some photos from last year ....

3I Class CIP + my 'horny' clique *_*

IDMI period + 3I people slacking in student lounge + bingxuan playing wii

IDMI period + 3I people playing chess in the student lounge

After CNY celebration + parkway outing with clique + ruiqi & weixuan :')

k we are retarded ~_~

k we're ALL retarded then

Busy people *_*

hehehe :')

I'll miss 4I so muchhhhhh )':

Still can't believe I just went through 2 years with 37 people (including lls) ... All the memories I've had with the class -sobs- Thank you everyone for putting up with me & sometimes my awkwardness throughout these 2 years!!

To be honest, I'm afraid of going to SH because I know I'll be with a new bunch of great people but I'll have to survive SH without Ruiqi!! For the past 4 years I had her with me, especially when we moved up to Y3 but now I'm gna be all alone!! )': I'll miss my clique so much, I can't imagine going to recess/lunch without y'all!! + weixuan's noise & benw's awkward movments

I hope everything goes well in SH~~*

Just randomly found this image, which I got from tumblr, in my phone.

Anyway, I bought a O lvl HCL assessment book ytd & I'm doing it as a practice to prepare myself for the O lvl paper... I've never felt so hardworking lol, I hope this last though ~_~

Oh yeah & I gave school/bowling a miss today because of the stupid headache yesterday which eventually turned into fever :x but I've recovered this morning, I wonder what was that last night -_- Also, my house had a power failure last night so there wasn't lights at all for the entire day but I'm pretty glad the aircon & my table lamp was miraculously working... My sis & I ran out to the mall to get some batteries, torch lights and dinner at night which was really tiring for me because it has been forever since I ran :x I think it's time for me to start exercising before I grow into a big fat pig~

kk this is a crappy update because I'm too excited to watch ANTM C17 Ep7, which I buffered the video just now, k bye will update again soon!

p.s tmrw's the last day of JH, I'm not exactly looking forward to SH but I'm glad that I can finally stop waking up so early for school ~_~

This kind of summed up my thoughts for today.

Anw I had PTM today & mommy came down to sch to meet lls... it wasn't as bad as I had expected, but frankly it wasn't something to proud of, so I guess I just have to learn my lesson & buck up? That's all I can do now + that's all I have to do. To be honest, I was freaking out & feeling extremely nervous before the PTM & that feeling sucks. I promise this will never ever happen again.

The 45min talk with lls went okay I guess & then mommy & I headed to parkway to do some shopping ^_^ I was feeling quite shagged after 4 hours of chinese & chem pract so I just followed mommy around the mall. I'm glad the shopping did perk me up a little & I bought 4 tops, some rings from Diva & mini donuts! *_* I tried udders ice cream for the first time (don't judge) & I chose the honeycomb vanilla flavour which tasted a little too milky :x but it was good!

Cabbed home afterwards at around 6+ & I'm glad we did because it started pouring halfway! & I was just in time for my piano lesson ^^v

I've been wasting a lot of money on cabs this month & it sucks :/

I must wake up early & stop cabbing to school.

There's school tomorrow oh no. But it's the last week & I can't wait for it to be over!! Really need some time away from school- Feeling so tensed up whenever I'm in there :(

Anw this was dinner last night at Bugis~

After dining, we went to shop & I bought 15 tops LOL

that was to make up the horrible Friday I had ~_~

+ some accessories from Six *_*

I finally got to know about this today. Yeah, that I'm such an embarrassment. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm disgusted. This year is a really tough year. & I was the root of all problems. I'm the one to be blamed. I created troubles for myself, I made myself so tired of school & I was sick of everything at a point in time; now I regret. But it's too late to regret because what is done, is done.

I used to think that what will be, will be. And so I left everything to fall into place itself. But I was being naive. because things don't fall into place unless you do something about it. If you leave it to fate, you'll have to be prepared to fail when everything crashes down like nobody's business. These few days have been extremely tiring for me, I know I'll become stronger after all these, but all these is killing me inside right now. I find it difficult to breathe when I'm trying to control my tears. I seldom cry but I'm becoming pretty emotional these few days. This is a good thing actually. I need my emotions back because I guess I've lost them quite some time back then. I felt nothing in the past. I was alright with everything. & now I think too much. I overthink & overthinking leads to negative thoughts. I can feel the change & it is scary.

All these sound so exaggerated but they're all true. I don't lie about feelings. I just don't let them out most of the time. I used to hate typing lengthy posts because I tend to forget what I want to type when I'm doing the post & so I replace them with photos instead because uh well, a picture speaks a thousand words, no? But now I've got so much on my mind I can't contain them any longer. Probably that's why I'm feeling so mentally-tired these few days.

To be honest, I don't know when all these begin to go wrong. & how did I even let all these happen because they obviously shouldn't. This is indeed a very good & memorable lesson learnt, which I'll remember for probably the rest of my life. I didn't expect myself to be going through all these, really, but when everything starts to go down, like really deep down, I realised, hey no, I'm doomed because I can't seem to find a solution to these problems. & I continued to let the situation worsen while I have the 'nothing-will-ever-go-wrong' mindset. I should have believed in myself & that I can be much much more than what I am currently. I can be so much better.

I felt v happy for those who got what they deserve tdy, but at the same time it's like stabbing me ten thousand times, not because I'm jealous, but because I knew if I had worked harder, I would be one of those beaming in joy/heaving a sigh of relief. But yeah, obviously I wasn't. In fact I'm worse than that.

I have to thank those who asked about me today, when I was going through a pretty tough time in school.

I have to gather my thoughts tonight as I think through what I've done, what should've been done & what I'm gonna do to get things right. Things have to be good. They better be. Because if I really work hard & things don't work out, I really don't know what I'm going to do.

School today was kind of boring...

What lls told me in the morning really made my day worse lol. Anyway, today we just had some talk by Dr. Foo & then a panel discussion by the SH teachers, followed by a briefing of the selection of subj combi for next year. I was so bored most of time & fooled around with Ruiqi & Weixuan LOL & we got to know more about SH life by Y5 seniors + cca exhibition... I'm only interested in bowling so far lol :x I've no idea what other cca choices I want-

Oh yeah I watched ANTM C17 Ep6 today! Thank you leehwee for the link! I can never find the video links to ANTM videos, don't ask me why -___-

I really love this photo because I think Allison really worked her angle :)

Her photoshoots are always well-done/gorgeous no matter how screwed it appeared to be on the set :o (which is a good thing~)

+ Coco Rocha was the guest for this episode!! She's a really professional model & her poses are absolutely stunning *_*

I can't wait for the next episode already!!

Almsot forgot there is 4 hours of chinese tomorrow~~ I can't wait 8) It has been quite some time since we had lessons in class... hm wonder if lls will scold tomorrow :x

oh & that cip thing in which I get to clear up rubbish contributed by inconsiderate people!

Life is fantastic so far ^_^

I'm done for this year. I wonder what's gonna happen next. I'm quite sure my heart became stronger after these 2 days of script-checking & I'm back home with mixed feelings. To be honest, script-checking makes me more mentally-tired as compared to doing the paper itself. We'll be getting our result slips on Monday, I'm not excited at all, more like nervous actually. I really don't know what to expect for now. I just wanna get everything over & done with;

I'm so sick of everything.

I was feeling really upset about my results during script-checking tdy & was dazed most of time but talking to CherylC, Ruiqi & Benw made me feel better. & thankyou weixuan for keeping me company during script-checking tdy.

Still feeling extremely insecure though; I really don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow + I'm clueless about how I'm exactly feeling right now & I can't even get myself to cry it out + I'm a piece of bullshit

Please let everything work out. For once. Please Please Please.