208/365

when the clock strikes twelve,
the four-day holiday will be over
and I'll get tuesday blues instead of monday
and I'll be back in school having lessons and facing people

This short break was a timely gift. Honestly didn't do much although I did try to catch up with some work but it's still going really slow so everything's basically piling up already. Started on my SGC as well but it's going nowhere because teachers refuse to reply me; or if they did, there's still lots of editing to do so all I can do now is to wish for it to be finalised by Friday night. 

One more day before the June CTs commence (because somehow the GP paper is always before the study break) and I'm honestly unprepared but when am I ever prepared anyway? I'm just hoping for my language to not fail me and for my brain to dig out some examples miraculously so I wouldn't end up fluffing. Really hate that feeling of elaborating something out of nothing because that only proves my inadequacy. So after Wednesday I'm supposed to start my revision already because that's what I put in my obligatory June timetable for the tutors so I've really got to follow it. I get really nervous every now and then but I have no idea why, it's probably stress but I think it's just me being weird. Whatever is wrong with me seriously.

Anyway, just 4 more days to go and school will be out for a month and I can't wait already because what's more exciting than staying home??? I mean it genuinely btw. 

206/365

Silver

Slowly, silently, now the moon

Walks the night in her silver shoon;
This way, and that, she peers, and sees
Silver fruit upon silver trees;
One by one the casements catch
Her beams beneath the silvery thatch;
Couched in his kennel, like a log;
With paws of silver sleeps the dog;
From their shadowy cote the white breasts peep
Of doves in silver feathered sleep
A harvest mouse goes scampering by,
With silver claws, and silver eye;
And moveless fish in the water gleam,
By silver reeds in a silver stream.

Walter de la Mare

205/365

Really into watches recently and so I started looking up at casio watches online. Turns out mommy has the casio gold plated digital watch and I didn't know it. Too bad it doesn't suit my wrist size. (I added those unrelated stickers though, because they are cute.) And I ordered another casio illuminator in pink online a few days ago but I just found out that the face of the watch (30 x 35mm) may be just too big for my wrists...

Casio illuminator in pink

It looks really pretty and I was so excited to get it but now I'm just regretting a little after finding out the watch face is probably too large as well. I just found another casio mini gold plated digital watch that may actually be the perfect one which I just got daddy to get it for me so all is well whoop~

Casio gold plated mini digital watch

Look really classy with the gold and black combination, I can't wait to get it already! Keeping my fingers crossed for the illuminator in pink to fit well too (although that'll be unlikely).

203/365

"So are you gonna take that shot?

It's the only one that you got."

"Maybe it's a fall from grace.

I gotta find a new place."

Holiday by Boys like Girls

Always speaking what's on my mind

202/365

I'm losing it.

I think I'm losing sight of my goal. The past few days were truly wasted. I did nothing. I tried to study but nothing is going in. I'm not doing tutorials and not reading lecture notes. And that scares me. I don't know if I'm getting sick of it or am I just less self-motivated now. I just can't seem to get myself to do them. The feeling of not accomplishing anything makes me guilty and nervous. That feeling sucks. I'm going nowhere.

And the thought of never being good enough makes it harder. I'm not even close to being good enough and I won't ever be. No matter how hard I try, I'll still miss the peak by a bit. A bit. Every single time. When can I ever be good enough?

Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe the late nights over the past week is taking a toll on me. Whatever it is, I'm running out of time. I need to pull myself together because there's no second chance. As for now, I'll anticipate the end of Thursday so I can let everything fall back into place. Please. 

200/365

Bring me away

To the land faraway

Where good things happen

And everything is okay

I believed 

137/365

the day started

with a smack on my face
yes
by a touch rugby ball

This week has been taxing.
Haven't been sleeping much, heading to bed at 2am almost every night but I feel like I'm still getting nowhere. I can't recall much of the week but there were up and downs (as usual what's new) and I'm glad I'm not dead yet.
Summary of my week (because I still have tons to do):
Monday - school
Tuesday - school, mommy and sis returned from Japan with lots of souvenirs (see photos below), churning out lousy pieces of geog tutorial till 2.30am
Wednesday - school, skipped bowling
Thursday - school, my gp essay made it into the stack of photocopied essays *dances*
Friday - almost got killed by a touch rugby ball, school
Sorry I just got too lazy to take down more stuff because there's nothing much my life is that boring.
Today (because I can still remember what happened at least) was just another too-many-free-periods day but it was made a little special with a kiss on my right cheek from Gilbert the desperate touch rugby ball. Ok mini accident. But it hurt (with stinging pain) and I broke into tears (a little although I have no idea why). I was too shocked when the ball came and only responded after I slightly made sense of what was happening. Lag time. So everyone was asking if I was okay so I said I was fine but I wasn't really okay I think. Felt like a weakling crying over a ball-hit-face incident and also not taking part during PE. Getting the GP package halfway during the PE session made it slightly better after seeing a copy of my essay hiding inside the thick stack of GP essays. It was all luck because my points were mainly from geography but I should feel encouraged I guess. Gonna tick it off my wish list later (I MADE IT). The supposedly eventful day was back to normal with free periods and lessons. And my school day ended with me lugging 5 of my sister's jap books and my own file so my arm is aching now.
As of now, I'm racing against time but still doing stuff at a constant speed of 5cm/s with drag force of perhaps 10000N + super high inertia so I don't think I'll be getting anywhere by next week. Econs essay test next thursday is the next big thing so I have to really study now but oh there's physics with my dad during the weekends so why not just let me hide in a corner and cry now?
"We've all been fooled into thinking we need others to be happy."

A photo of my sis with Duffy (for me) in Tokyo Disneysea

Couple Duffy and Shelliemay keychains with my sis

My favourite Japanese mochi

My garden genie family which many said was ugly and scary but no they're cute and quirky and I'm hanging the udder one on my kanken now I'm cool

Sorry,

I don't like this side of me either.

(I actually had 2 good paragraphs on how bitter I am but even blogger hates me so it's gone forever)

133/365

Sorry, I tried.

But I cannot understand how their brains work.

129/365

People are curious.

They want to know what they don't know.

They want to know why they didn't know.

They want to know how it feels.

They want to know what to do if they were to feel it.

They have ten thousand questions.

They want to know if there were answers.

They think they understand, 

they think they help and they think that is care.

They think a lot, but they do little.

They only wanted to know a lot.

But there's something they'll never really know,

That they are just curious.

They don't really care.

126/365

My window faces the arrival side of the airport.
So I watch planes land everyday.
I watch them come, but I never did watch them go.
Whenever I spot a plane landing, I can't help but to think, "how do the people onboard feel?"
Excited because they're tourists?
Tired because they're businessmen? Relieved because they're back home?
Or unhappy because they have no choice but to be here... like me?

Please don't land.

122/365

ON HOW TO SURVIVE SCHOOL ALONE
(requested by rachel lse)

1 wake up as usual at 6.10am
2 go to school as per normal
3 get bored before flag raising
4 suffer a mini heart attack to find rachel not brisk walking into the parade square at the last minute
5 silently hoping rachel is late
6 no sign of her after flag raising
7 spam her phone with messages asking her to wake up
8 pestering janice during econs tutorial
9 secretly cursing at rachel for not replying
10 receive her text message to find that she's sick hence not coming to school
11 suffer a slightly larger than mini heart attack
12 devise a survival plan for the day within 5 min
13 complain to janice just to disturb her
14 go to geog lecture and deciding whether to sit alone or with the class
15 ended up sitting with the class
16 getting bored of climatic change
17 picture myself going recess with the class
18 went to recess with the class
19 sat, eat and finish eating and head to math lecture
20 went to the toilet alone
21 try to understand normal distribution
22 go back to class alone for geog tutorial
23 thank god for tutorials today instead of lectures
24 try to engage in discussion
25 fail and go back to scribbling info in my notes
26 hating on rachel for getting a 2 day mc
27 begin to plan for tomorrow
28 attend physics lesson
29 end of the school day
30 went to deliver rachel's work to her house (best friend award)
31 silently killing her in my head 10 times
32 waited for 20 min for stupid bus 30

Okay too lazy to continue but my day was overall fruitful without rachel (haha yeah man it's me against the world again tomorrow)

121/365

It's the first day of May today. And also labour day holiday (thankful for this before I get back to school).

This month would be the last month before the June holidays begin and it's supposed to be the start of intense studying/revision time so I'm getting slightly nervous.

I spent today doing my geog tutorials, grocery shopping at Tampines and now I'm trying to understand poisson distribution on my own because I missed the lecture on it and I have to say it's really tough to get everything from scratch even though I can refer to my sister's notes. My stats is just hopeless.

Anyway, the point is, this post marks the beginning of the month and may it be good.