It's the first day of June today and half a year will be gone soon. I can already imagine myself stressing and freaking out before the July CTs and that scares me. Today marks the first day of my revision (supposedly) but as usual, I slacked off by waking up at 1pm although my alarm clock went off at 9am. What's new? I really need to pull my lazy ass off the bed every morning now and that's probably the toughest job (even the revision part comes second). I still haven't gotten back the drive yet, still don't feel the sense of emergency and that's really bad. My results so far proved to me nothing. I might look like I have improved because somehow I managed to get As for both math and econs (!?!?) but it's feels kind of surreal. I know I didn't work hard for the tests and getting results like this frightens me. I don't deserve them. And what's worse is what if I can't keep up with that?? It'll all show during the exams and I wouldn't want it to happen. I don't want to have high hopes/expectations just to crash badly later. I've been through that and I know how terrible it feels. I tried to feel thankful for getting good grades but really, I'll rather get lousy grades now just to get good ones later. Because keeping up with good ones is harder than improving.
I know I've been saying this but I really need to pull myself together. Stop slacking. Stop wasting time on useless stuff. Stop drifting off during revision. Start concentrating. Start doing what I'm supposed to do. And for now, it's time to shut out from all distractions.
I hope my efforts will pay off. But I'll have to begin by first putting in effort. I hope I'll not have to worry a bit a month from now (my first paper). I hope for a lot of things and I hope they all happen.
But "the world is not a wish-granting factory" and I know that. But it wouldn't hurt just by hoping.... right?
"Be so good they can't ignore you."
On a lighter note,
my two new casio watches (illuminator in pink turned out to be small so it suits my wrist size well thank goodness)
used cocoppa on my phone and I'm really loving my homescreen with the cute icons
sis and daddy looking good
