Underperformed

Or have I never performed? I don't know. I was left stranded before I even reached half of it. The more I write, the less I understood myself. The longer I held onto the pen, the more I felt like I'm loosing grip. Yes. That was how it went. And it went terribly. Tragically giving me shivers up till now. I know. No. I don't know. How could this have happened? Why now? Why not earlier? Why me? Why today? All these ran through my head and the more I thought of it, the smaller I felt. I saw people. They were happy. They were happy because they did exactly what they were supposed to do. They have every right to be. What about me? I stood at the corner, I couldn't wait to leave. I needed some alone time to recuperate. I need me, myself and I only. I took my dad's advice and took deep breaths to calm down. But the more I did, the more I begin to choke and then it was tears. Flushing down like a waterfall, the droplets so beautifully and gracefully threaded to slide down my not-so-smooth-anymore face. I feel so weak instantaneously. I'm glad by then I was already alone walking home. Thank goodness no one saw. Have I not improved? Have I worked so hard for the past years just to end up like this? Why me? Why? Why?