I guess... Nothing? And that is actually the only thing that scares me. I've finally reached the day when my app countdown shows the single digit that I've always dreaded (or looked forward) and it makes me excited. It's going to be over before you realised it started, I told myself. That always happen. I'm scared, I get nervous and I screw things up. My vision blurred, my thoughts gone haywire and I just end things the perfect way I didn't want them to be. But this time, this time, it's different. It's supposed to be the biggest of them all. And yet right now, all that's in my mind is: hey what's the worst that can happen? Maybe I'm really saturated (or maybe not). Maybe I'm just sick of this paper-chase that is boring the hell out of me. Education is not the pursuit of recognition that is represented by those alphabets (not even all 26 of them). Perhaps it's a little too late that I've only realised that right now. Education is not a competition. Something that I was cheated into joining and blinded into chasing what people view as the top. Education is about loving, enjoying and appreciating what you love. These few days, I've been doing math. I've always liked doing math. It gives me the self satisfaction that writing essays couldn't. I've been reading. Reading slow and even though the only thing I'm reading now are my notes (ebooks downloaded safely to be read after this hurdle), I'm enjoying it. I wow at every new thing I discover like "wow Egypt is in Africa!" and "wow China's EPZ are amazingly and strategically located along the coast!" (pardon me for not sounding like an intellectual student) I'm amazed by how I amazed myself when I learn things that may not be of significant use for the papers I'm sitting for but I'm actually genuinely interested in. The more I look into the world map (still the Mercator projection sorry), the more I see. I must have been blind for the past 17 years and 10 months. Sorry self. Whatever the case, I have to stop I'm sorry because time is running out and it's already late, I finally understood education. Learn what you love and you'll love what you learn. Simple as that. This wouldn't be of much use for my papers considering I still have tons left untouched at this point when it's starting in a day's time, I'm glad at least I finally see it now. The light at the end of the tunnel isn't the end of education, but the beginning of it.
