Why do we desire acknowledgements? Sometimes I question myself why do I try so hard to gain recognition from others who probably wouldn't matter at all. I ask myself why, that I criticize people but I cannot do enough reflection myself and so I'm constantly working in this dilemma of wanting to be acknowledged but at the same time refraining from allowing myself to be affected by people around. And it's so difficult to really know what I want. Sometimes I want to share but sometimes I don't. I feel like a victim in this. Do I do things to make myself happy, or for others to be happy? But the thing is, when I do things that made myself happy, I'm upset by the fact that others aren't. And I want them to be. I want us all to be happy, which is quite impossible in some sense I guess. I end up living for others more than I do for myself. And I don't want that. I tell myself that those who matter will come naturally but that doesn't happen all the time. And I've made such a bad record I don't even know how to change it anymore. Because what has been etched into people's mind don't change that easily. So do I move on without minding about what people think? Or do I try even harder to prove myself? I don't quite know but for now I guess I should do what makes me real.
