underwater

That's where I need to be right now. I wouldn't mind being there forever though. That sounds good too. I went impromptu swimming with my parents on Wednesday (I meant impromptu because we usually plan it days before and we'll set aside time for it but weather likes to screw us up many times so). It was after lunch and my mom said, "let's go swimming, it has been a while" and we all liked the idea. We changed, we prepared the bathrooms so we could quickly wash up when we're home and we went down to the pools. It was lovely. I love how the waters glisten and how appealing it looks under the hot afternoon sun. I didn't jump in though (I would probably hit hard on the pool bottom because it's only 1.2m deep) but I entered rather unglamorously too with water splashing onto the pool side. Who cares. No one else was there except for us. I'm a breaststroker, I learnt breaststroke and only that when I was young from my dad and I can do that quite well. Tbh I think I'm the best at that in the family (I can do 2 laps in 1 minute hah). I sucked at freestyle though. Never managed to finish  even 1 lap without gasping for air and dying. I had a good chance because for once my dad is swimming. I asked him to teach me so I spent the subsequent 2.5 hours practicing freestyle. I love it. So much faster and glamorous. I was addicted. You know that feeling when you did one set of it and you reach the distance you probably had to complete with 2 sets of breaststroking? And how you can feel yourself propelling forwards with the force of water hitting on your abdomen? That feeling that you're finally capable of something and getting somewhere? I needed that. And that moment when you're underwater where nothing else mattered and you can't even hear anything, not even kids screaming by the pool side or your parents calling for you? I love that. That place was freed from all noises, there was just the swishing and swashing of water. I love that. And right now? I need to get underwater. I need some time for myself. I need to feel like I'm capable of something. I need to feel progress. I need to feel in control. That I can stop whenever I want and proceed whenever I can. I need to move around and exercise and feel good about myself again. I need to swim.